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Crash Course on Etiquette/ For Rednecks!
On Driving:
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. Most consider
it unsafe, if not downright stupid...
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while
driving.
On Personal Hygiene:
It is best to partake in some form of personal hygiene.
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a
hand-me-down item.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN keys.
The same goes with biting and picking one's toenails. And never
should one partake in this personal endeavor at the dinner table.
While Entertaining in Your Home:
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good
his manners are.
On Dating:
If you go fishing, always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
Be aggressive yet polite. Let her know you are interested: "I've
been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's
bathroom wall two years ago."
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water
tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in
frustration.
On Attending The Theatre:
For the best enjoyment for all, crying babies should be taken to the
lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
On Wedding Attendance:
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
If you are so honored to be the groom, it is best to refrain from
bringing a date.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
It's just too hard to explain...
A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf- mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
An old man and a old lady went in the doctor's office to have there yearly exam done. The doctor came in and started to get some information from them. He then told the old man that he needed to have a stool sample and a urine sample.
The old man turned to the old lady and asked, 'what'd he said?'
She looked at him and said, 'he needs a pair of your underwear.'
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